Undoer

Artwork Interpretation

The image shows one figure attempting to patch up a cracked and wounded shield, while another figure stands nearby—guarded, perhaps uncertain. The shield, clearly damaged, symbolizes harm already done. The act of covering it with tape suggests an attempt to "undo" the impact through superficial gestures. This visual captures the essence of the undoing defense: the need to fix emotional rupture not through genuine processing, but through compensatory actions that try to erase discomfort or guilt.

Defense Pattern

Clients engaging in undoing may behave in overly generous or performative ways after they’ve hurt someone, without addressing the emotional core of the rupture. They may over-apologize, become hyper-nice, or give gifts in place of repair. This defense is often driven by guilt or anxiety and seeks to neutralize feelings without confronting them directly. Underneath the behavior is often a fear of rejection, shame, or loss of control.

Protective Belief

“If I do something good, maybe the bad will go away.”

Antidotes

• Relational Repair through Emotionally Focused Therapy
• Parts Work (to access shame or fear under the behavior)
• Accountability Dialogue (not just apology, but emotional engagement)
• Values Clarification: Repair vs. Reversal

Cultural Considerations

In many families and cultures, emotional repair is expected to happen through action—not conversation. Some clients may have been taught that apologies are weakness, or that harmony is more important than authenticity. In such settings, undoing becomes a socially acceptable gesture of remorse. Therapists should explore the origin of these repair rituals and slowly introduce more emotionally congruent pathways to healing.